Part 1 of a Series on How to Manage Difficult People.
She sacrifices for you... and you know it!
They may be among your bosses, your colleagues, your subordinates or customers, however it seems that no matter how skilled and experienced we become at interpersonal communication we will eventually run into the challenge of people who Arthur Bell and Dayle Smith call the SOP’s- “Sources of Pain” or who Robert Sutton more plainly calls “assholes”.
These are the chronically difficult people whose behavior consistently has a negative impact on the individuals and groups with whom we live and work.
How do you identify an A**hole?
Dr. Sutton, author of “The No Asshole Rule”, distinguishes between “temporary” assholes, i.e. people under pressure who may be having a bad day, and those assholes who would consistently pass the two tests of what he calls the “certified” assholes:
Test #1: After contact with the “alleged asshole”, victims can feel, demeaned, oppressed, drained of energy and generally bad about themselves.
Test #2: The “alleged” asshole hits on people with less power rather than people with more power than himself.
They Do Damage
Recent research shows that chronically difficult persons can do extensive psychological and emotional damage not only to their direct victims but also to the witnesses of their destructive behavior.
Difficult people do not necessarily attack our self-worth in big acts such as public humiliations but through myriads of small denigrating and disempowering acts everyday. The cumulative impact on mental health of the victims, their colleagues and families is mostly underestimated.
They Are Costly
The organizational impact of the negative interactions created by encounters with difficult people goes beyond individuals to impact performance at all levels, from teams to whole enterprises. These small negative interactions can have ripple effects that are 5 times stronger than positive interactions.
Ultimately a toll for fear and negativity is extracted in decreased individual performance, increasing turnover rates, and absenteeism, as well as in general organizational performance as a result of the dissipated energy expended in managing difficult people.
The Bottom Line
What is the “Total Cost of Assholes” to organizations?
While it is hard to calculate accurate and detailed cost for managing the impact of difficult people, the time spent by managers, HR professionals, senior executives, and outside consultants to manage the effects of the negative interactions can give us some idea of the true cost of tolerating the behavior of difficult people.
A silicon valley company calculated the cost of managing one difficult “star” salesman at US $160,000 per annum
Stay tuned for Part 2 of this series on Managing Difficult People where you might recognize your favorite nemesis in our “Rogues Gallery” descriptions of specific types of difficult people.
Also join Dr. Nancy Love and me for our live online webcasts on this topic on September 2nd and 15th.
To register for the webcast visit the Pulse Institute Website at www.pulseinstitute.com
